Now we’ve all heard(or probably experienced) about how terrible the service is at government hospitals and how one waits forever before being assisted. This has led to many women choosing to pay the GP’s and gynaecologists alot of cash, which is fine really if you can afford it but after having experienced both I feel it is unnecessary.

So I went to a public hospital/clinic for my antenatal class on a Tuesday at around 8am and I was told I am late, I was supposed to be there by 7am also they do not take first visits on a Tuesday. Now you can imagine how frustrated I was to have woken up for nothing and I couldn’t even go to work now because I had taken sick leave so I went back home with my tail between my legs. The next day came and I made sure I was in those waiting rooms by 7am with so many girls/women (my first thought was, damn! the pregnancy rate I. South Africa surely is high). By 7:30 they were done with the new mommies because apparently they are the first ones who should be attended to and then we were all attended to from the urine tests to HIV tests everything was done 10am. The last stage was now being attended to individually for a proper check up which made me feel so uncomfortable, it’s not really nice or easy to be fully naked in front of a stranger and having them touch you but I was out of there within 15minutes and medication on hand. All this was done by 12pm.

So I wouldn’t say the service was bad because they have a routine to follow which is what takes so much time and of course the tea breaks in between. The only difference is that when you go to a gynaecologist or GP you have a set appointment and the focus is on you and you alone so you spend less time there. My advice to anyone going to a public clinic for their antenatal class be sure to carry your water bottle and food or snacks, don’t give the nurses attitude because that will make your whole visit hell.

Let’s chat! How was your first visit if you’ve ever been to a public hospital and if you went to a gynae how different was your visit?

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My body was now giving it all away, trying to expose my secret that I had planned on keeping till the last trimester. People would constantly be commenting on how I had gained weight and how my nose was shining(you know black people and how have their own way of seeing things),but my excuse would always be that I’m happy and eating a whole lot of junk food.

Now, I’m not someone who drinks alot but usually when I hook up with my friends or if we attend an event I usually have more than two drinks so now my biggest battle came when it was my friend’s surprise party. It was a struggle keeping up the lie when everyone kept offering me a drink, I felt tortured having to watch my friends drink and have fun, so much that I quickly got bored. However, the great part about that night though was that I learnt that having the time of your life with friends did not need you to be intoxicated.

Weeks went by in my second trimester and i started to feel alone, depressed and tears became my best friend. I started questioning why God would make this experience so hard and lonely. Why couldnt I enjoy this journey? On some days things would get so bad that I would wish that God takes this baby because I just couldn’t handle the emotional baggage it came along with. By week 20 I was already trying to kill myself because of the unbearable pain, every night I cried myself to sleep, it felt as though there was someone stabbing my chest with a knife and the pain was unbearable, even cutting myself was not helping because the pain I felt in my heart was much deeper. When that failed I started the 21daylawofattractionchallenge and it helped to somehow deal with most of the pain, I learnt how to pray so everything seemed to be getting be or atleast that’s what I thought.

Until one day, the 1st of November to be specific, after writing an exam I went to the bathroom and realized I was bleeding. I was terrified because I knew that after 20weeks one is not supposed to be bleeding and here I was all alone at an exam centre panicking and crying not knowing what to do. I decided to call a good friend of mine who was also a nurse to ask what the problem could be, she advised that I go to the doctor immediately. How could this be happening to me? I had just lost my job, I couldn’t afford this. What if I was miscarrying? Could God really be granting me what I asked for? But he knew I did not mean that.

So I took a taxi and went to the nearest doctor I could find, it was almost 5pm so I had to rush before they closed. While sitting in the waiting room all alone, I started to think how I would cope with losing a child? I started to think of the names I would give him/her if he made it, I said a silent prayer as they called me to the doctors room. The doctor checked me and he told me I was spotting not bleeding, a scan was done and it was confirmed that my baby was healthy. I was just told that I needed to try and stop stressing because,also not carry heavy things as it was putting pressure on the baby.

So I decided right then and there that something had to give, I had to make changes in my life because i was definitely not willing to lose my baby.