My body was now giving it all away, trying to expose my secret that I had planned on keeping till the last trimester. People would constantly be commenting on how I had gained weight and how my nose was shining(you know black people and how have their own way of seeing things),but my excuse would always be that I’m happy and eating a whole lot of junk food.
Now, I’m not someone who drinks alot but usually when I hook up with my friends or if we attend an event I usually have more than two drinks so now my biggest battle came when it was my friend’s surprise party. It was a struggle keeping up the lie when everyone kept offering me a drink, I felt tortured having to watch my friends drink and have fun, so much that I quickly got bored. However, the great part about that night though was that I learnt that having the time of your life with friends did not need you to be intoxicated.
Weeks went by in my second trimester and i started to feel alone, depressed and tears became my best friend. I started questioning why God would make this experience so hard and lonely. Why couldnt I enjoy this journey? On some days things would get so bad that I would wish that God takes this baby because I just couldn’t handle the emotional baggage it came along with. By week 20 I was already trying to kill myself because of the unbearable pain, every night I cried myself to sleep, it felt as though there was someone stabbing my chest with a knife and the pain was unbearable, even cutting myself was not helping because the pain I felt in my heart was much deeper. When that failed I started the 21daylawofattractionchallenge and it helped to somehow deal with most of the pain, I learnt how to pray so everything seemed to be getting be or atleast that’s what I thought.
Until one day, the 1st of November to be specific, after writing an exam I went to the bathroom and realized I was bleeding. I was terrified because I knew that after 20weeks one is not supposed to be bleeding and here I was all alone at an exam centre panicking and crying not knowing what to do. I decided to call a good friend of mine who was also a nurse to ask what the problem could be, she advised that I go to the doctor immediately. How could this be happening to me? I had just lost my job, I couldn’t afford this. What if I was miscarrying? Could God really be granting me what I asked for? But he knew I did not mean that.
So I took a taxi and went to the nearest doctor I could find, it was almost 5pm so I had to rush before they closed. While sitting in the waiting room all alone, I started to think how I would cope with losing a child? I started to think of the names I would give him/her if he made it, I said a silent prayer as they called me to the doctors room. The doctor checked me and he told me I was spotting not bleeding, a scan was done and it was confirmed that my baby was healthy. I was just told that I needed to try and stop stressing because,also not carry heavy things as it was putting pressure on the baby.
So I decided right then and there that something had to give, I had to make changes in my life because i was definitely not willing to lose my baby.
Being a young mother 